My poor hamster had to be put down yesterday. It was pretty horrible, on Sunday night he started making the most horrid noises all night long - it kept me up all night basically. So I took him to the vet and we decided it would be best for him to go. He either had heart disease (he may have had a stroke) or she said it could be a brain tumor. Of course they didn't know for sure but either way... he was in a bad way. I held him in my hands as he passed on, I'm at least glad that he wasn't alone in a weird place with weird people...
I remember a while back our other hamster died and everyone seemed to treat it like it was no big deal. "just a hamster". I decided not to work because of that death and I remember my boss was just like, "You know at 'real' jobs you wouldn't be able to miss work for that." I was just thinking to myself - yeah, well I would have told them my aunt died or something. It really pisses me off that people think that we shouldn't grieve for our pets in the same way that we grieve for human beings. When my cat dies, I think I will be more devastated than when some of my grandparents have died. I know that sounds horrible but I KNOW my cat, and I find it really hard to completely know most family members or even other human beings. Animals hide nothing - humans hide everything.
It's been hard, I keep looking at the area where his cage use to be instinctively. It's not there anymore but I keep looking in that spot, expecting to see him scrambling for food or running for his wheel. Last night, I kept hearing little noises that resembled his painful noises Sunday night. I kept hearing other noises too that resembled the noises he made when he was healthy and it just put me in a very sad state all night. I'm not sure that I slept much at all. It's not an easy decision to euthanize an animal. It never is for me anyways. Especially with rodents - they are much harder to predict. Basically the only thing we could have tried was antibiotics but when I've had rodents in the past - they would recover for maybe two days and then relapse and one of those times, my rat died a very painful looking death and I had no way to end her life in this peaceful way. The last thing I wanted was a repeat of the scenario.
The vet told me that because he was walking around like he was drunk - it probably wasn't pneumonia (which is a common way for rodents to go) - which is basically the only thing the antibiotics could have worked for.
Anyways, So I spent the night wondering about my decision... Did I do the right thing? What if? What if? Who am I to decide? Ugh!!! I envy the people who never question themselves - of course, they are usually ignorant so I guess I wouldn't change that about myself. He was almost two years old - which is a fairly long time for a hamster to live.
Today I buried him. I put him in the tin that use to hold his food (to keep meal moths out) and his chewing log, with a bunch of cotton and shavings. I burred him under a bunch of rocks because there are too many roots around here to dig a hole.

It's just so amazing how much of your life can be built in and around a little creature like this. How he can hold such a huge part of your heart and he can't even speak. He will be greatly missed. One's size does not decide one's significance.